beautiful broken

at least i know i am consistent.  every year, more or less about this time, i get a raging case of cabin fever.  and, as it turns out, it has very little to do with being stuck inside by the weather.  it has been relatively dry here.  cold yes, (it IS winter after all) but no big snows like we have had in the last several years.  it is more a sense of personal stagnation.  i just want to get up and go, anywhere, in the car, by plane, by train,  whatever.  even just  a short weekend trip would help.  obviously, i would love to hold out for a luxurious, all expense paid trip to maui,  but at this point i would take two days over the idaho border in coeur d'alene.  i suppose every one settles into a routine from time to time,  and i know that there are some people who take a lot of comfort in a set pattern. in fact, if my routine gets changed, and it isn't my idea...look the heck out!  (i never claimed to make much sense. )
maybe the biggest issue is that i have apparently lost my sense of adventure.  i used to go everywhere by myself.  i even enjoyed it.  all i needed was a book, and lots of good music, and i didn't mind being on my own.  in fact, i have always been a little solitary by nature. but in the last 10 years, i seem to have forgotten how to go by myself.  and my husband is a worker by nature.  he loves to be home, working.  working on the porch, working on the fence, working on the car.  he isn't the best at spontaneously jumping in the car and heading away for day.  and i hate to ask him all the time. 
so, until i get braver, or he gets ready for a break, or i find something else to distract me, i have pictures of my past adventures to get me by.  i have lots and lots of pictures.  and i can plan for my future trips and adventures when i will come home with lots and lots more.

Labels: adventure, learning to go on my own, solitary confinement

nearly to the weekend,  and some free time with my husband.  i know it is early february, but i am so ready for blooming things, green things and wonderful mild spring weather....  i kind of long for the chance to go hiking and photographing without having to layer on the entire contents of my closet. 
oh well.... soon enough.

Labels: good things come to those who wait, i need spring break more now than when i was in college, patience grasshopper

as part of my search for new perspective this year, i am trying to be more aware of my surroundings.  my husband laughs at my, because, for all my love of trivia and facts, i am generally  totally oblivious to my surroundings.  so i am going to try to take the opportunity to look again at things,  to look differently at things, and to pay attention to things.  while it can be so easy to recognize the negative, it can be a lot harder to see the beauty.  but you know what?  it's out there.  so let's find it, let's see it, let's pay attention to and cherish it.

Labels: engage, it's all around us, watch it

well, here we are once again... new year, new start, looking for a new job, and most of all, looking for a new perspective. whether that new perspective is in connection to taking care of myself,  or my husband or my life, it is past time for a change.  half in jest, i told a friend that 2012 should be the year of "outside-y"  stuff,  but the more i think about it, the more i think that is a great idea.  get up, get out, get involved... quit telling myself that i will do it tomorrow.  i think about how many blessings i have, and even though there are days when i feel like it is all i can do to get out of bed and put clothes on, i need to remember to live.  remember to laugh hard any time i can, and remember on those gray and foggy days, this too shall pass. 
probably the most important thing though, this year, will be to know ahead of time that there will times when i wuss out,  or get lazy, or fall in a hole and that it will be okay.  it doesn't make me a bad person, it doesn't make me worthless, it doesn't make me incapable of following through on anything.... it just makes me human.  i deserve the same consideration toward myself that i offer others.
so it is bittersweet to start over, yet again,  but it is hopeful too.  and i just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Labels: it is okay to forgive yourself, new year new you, nobody's perfect

i wish this blog came with smell-o-vision, because this rose was heavenly....

Labels: a rose, how sweet, smell-o-vision

because nature is pretty freaking amazing.